Hetalia: Math and Science Edition
by CosmicKitten89
Summary: Wouldn't it be cool if the Hetalia characters could help us with our math and science homework as well?  Just submit your requests and the material for your problem subject will be stuck in your mind with a funny story you'll never forget!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, so we all know how good APH is for teaching history and geography :D**

**But what if it could teach us math and science as well?**

**This story will be a collection of funny anecdotes in which the countries attempt to teach us about their scientists and mathematicians as well as help us to remember how to solve math and science problems.**

**I have a couple of ideas in mind of what to put here, but if you are struggling in a math or science class or if you just want some help with it, or even if you just want a funny story based around a certain math theorem, equation or scientific principle, please put it in the reviews and I will do my best to fulfill your request :)**

**Being a prospective physics major, I will gladly take any requests for anything physics related, although anything beyond basic quantum theory is a little beyond me at the moment, as is any math higher than second or third semester calculus.**

**Chemistry requests are also welcome, I am unusually proficient in that subject as well.**

**I am not as crazy about biology but I am very knowledgeable about it and the subject can make for some funny stories, so I will do chapters on that subject as well BUT I WILL NOT DO SMUT IN THIS FIC SO SAVE YOUR SMUTTY REQUESTS FOR SOME OTHER STORY, SUCH AS MY OWN HAPPY TIME FOR HETALIA!**


	2. Schrödinger's Cat

"I have an urgent announcement to make, if you all would please lend me your ears," said Austria at a world meeting.

"My cat is caught in quite a predicament, and I will require some assistance in getting him out of it. Now, which of you is most well-versed in quantum physics?"

All of the countries turned their eyes to Germany.

"What? What does quantum physics have to do with your cat being stuck up a tree?"

"He is not stuck up a tree, Germany. Follow me home, and immediately, if you don't mind, and I shall show you. Oh, and Denmark, I think you should come too."

"Why him?" asked Germany.

"Who do you think came up with the Copenhagen Interpretation?"

"Oh."

"Let me guess, he's been caught in your piano," said Germany when he got to Austria's house.

"It is not quite that simple. See, he's been trapped in this box, and he's been trapped in it for one hour. There is a tiny flask of poison, enough to kill him, and also a hammer that is set to break the flask when just one atom of the radioactive substance attached to it decays. Now, judging by the amount of the sample, its half-life, and how long the cat has been in here, there is approximately a fifty-percent chance that the cat is still alive and a fifty-percent chance that one of the radioactive atoms decayed and triggered the hammer to break the bottle, poison the cat, and kill it."

"Wow, Austria, I had no idea you were so proficient at physics..." said Germany.

"Well, a good deal of 'your' physicists actually come from MY country," said Austria.

"But they all go to my country because my universities are better!"

"Your universities are not necessarily better, they are just larger, greater in number, and not quite so picky."

"Well have you ever thought that maybe they are TOO picky? I mean, if you didn't reject Adolf Hitler from that snooty art school of yours so many times maybe we both wouldn't have suffered a Holocaust!"

"Did you even see his so-called 'artwork'? It was simply unacceptable!"

"Why are we arguing about Hitler's artwork anyway? The question is WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUT YOUR CAT IN SUCH A TWISTED AND DANGEROUS SITUATION?"

"Ask Erwin Schrödinger. He's the one who came up with it."

"Well, you know, the cat's actually alive AND dead at the same time," said Denmark over a bottle of Austrian beer.

"You idiot! That does not even make sense!" said Austria. "If that paradox is true, then we are all dead and alive at the same time, for one of the possibilities dictated by the wave functions of the atoms in our bodies is for a large number of blood cells to be clumped together in the tiny blood vessels leading to our brain, which would cause any one of us to have a lethal stroke!"

"Aha, but I see that you are indeed NOT dead, so that is not a possibility at the moment," Denmark said, laughing.

"But if I were to be put in a box like my cat, where you couldn't see me, THEN I would be dead and alive at the same time! But I'm pretty sure that, even if you do not know whether or not I am alive or dead, that I would still know regardless!"

"Well, hehe, maybe Germany can settle this question for us. Hello?"

"Um..." Germany was quite undecided on the matter.

"...all I know is that my country has more Nobel Prizes in Physics than any other country except for America, and a lot of his Nobel Prizes were won by people born in other countries anyway."

"Ah, but your country has TEN times the population that mine does, so I would expect ten times as many Nobel Prizes, yet you have fewer than five and a half times as many."

"But we are about even when it comes to physics-"

"Hey, hey, I have an idea!" said Denmark. "Why don't we test Austria's theory by putting HIM in a box!"

"That's absurd!" screamed Austria.

Denmark and Germany put Austria into a giant box, which Germany painted the word "FICK" on.

"So he's alive and dead in there at the same time," said Denmark.

"You idiot! I am ALIVE!"

"Oh, well, that settles it, then. Austria is not alive for sure unless I can see or hear that he is!"

"I just feel sorry for the cat," said Germany.

"You mean this cat," said Greece. Germany turned around.

"Greece? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, well, I came when I heard that there was a cat in danger." Greece hugged the Neko!Austria, who looked upset at having been stuffed into a box and almost poisoned.

"So, kitty, what was it like being dead and alive at the same time?" Denmark asked, sticking his face into the cat's.

Neko!Austria scratched Denmark on the nose.

"All he knows is that he was alive the entire time!" shouted Austria from inside the box.

**No cats were harmed or threatened or put in a dual state of harmed-not harmed during the making of the theory illustrated by this fanfic. Schrödinger's cat was just a thought experiment.**


	3. Direct and Inverse Relationships

**Well, I am pleasantly surprised by the number of reviews, alerts and faves this is getting! OK, so instead of fulfilling requests based on first-come first-serve, will do them based on urgency - if you need to know it for a test or something, just tell me when the test is and PM me if you need anything specific! Thank you! :D**

**Oh, and I don't have internet at my house right now, I have to go to Starbucks, so please understand if new chaps don't come quickly enough**.

America wanted his White House to be repainted. However, he did not want to do it himself, so he decided to hire foreigners to paint it.

"Sure, I'll-a paint your house!" said Italy.

"I will do my best to do a good job at painting your house," said Japan.

"I will paint your house, but only if you promise to pay me well for it!" said Germany.

"Thank you, and welcome to my magnificent White House!"

"Wow, it looks kinda like Grandpa Rome's house," said Italy.

"Hey, I just realized something! You guys are the guys whose butts I kicked in World War Two!"

"Yes we are, and if you say the N word I'll-" Germany started but Japan stopped him.

"Please, allow bygones to be bygones! We are all friends now."

"Okie dokie! Now remember, foreigner dudes, I want the house to be ALL WHITE. That's why I call it the White House."

"How much are you paying?" asked Germany.

"Well, the quicker you do it the more I'll pay you."

"Please, express it in the form of an equation," Japan said.

America scratched his head. "Umm..."

"He does test the lowest in math among developed countries," said Germany.

"...Okay. If you get it done in ten days, you will each get one thousand dollars. You can figure out how much that is in yen or euros or whatever kind of money you use. And if you get it done in six days, you will each get a five hundred dollar bonus!"

"OK..." Japan plotted the points on a piece of graph paper. "So y is number of dollars, and x is number of days. Y equals three thousand at x equals ten, and y equals four thousand five hundred at x equals six."

Japan took a ruler and drew a line that passed through the two points. "So this equation is a function of how much money we get based on how many days it takes us to get it done."

America looked at it. He saw that the line passed through x equals 18. "Hey, so it looks like if you don't get it done in eighteen days, then I don't have to pay you anything!"

"And if it takes us twenty days to do it, we pay you seven hundred dollars altogether," said Japan.

"Sounds like a good deal to me!" said America.

So the three of them began painting. Germany and Japan were doing a good job, but Italy was dilly-dallying.

"ITALY! YOU ARE BEING PAID TO PAINT THIS VERDAMMT HOUSE AND THE MORE YOU DILLY-DALLY THE LESS WE GET PAID SO PAINT IT!

"But the more days it takes us to paint it the more money we get, right?"

"I believe Italy is confusing direct relationships with inverse relationships," said Japan. "Let me explain: America wants his house to be painted fast, so the more time we take to paint the house, the less money we make. That is an inverse relationship, when the more you have of one variable the less you have of another. Understand?"

"Ve, I think so..."

"OK, then, now if x were number of people and y were time it takes to paint the house, would that be inverse or direct relationship?"

"Um... well the more people there are to help out, the quicker it gets done! And quicker means less time, so more people means less time, and more of one making more of less is an inverse relationship, then it's an inverse relationship!"

"Very good Italy! Now if x were number of people painting the house and y were amount of money America has to pay, then would that be an inverse relationship or a direct relationship?"

"Um, well, the more people we have painting it, the faster it gets done, and the faster it gets done, the more money we get! So the more people we have painting it, the more money we get! When more of one thing makes more of the other, that's a direct relationship, right?"

"Correct again, Italy!"

"YAY! Now let's celebrate with PASTA!"

"Ahem, Italy, we will have more money to buy pasta with if you just get this damn house painted!" said Germany.

"Okie-dokie then!" Italy got out a little paintbrush and started painting an eagle on the wall on the other side.

The three of them got the house done in three days, mostly due to Japan and Germany's hard work.

America stared at the graph trying to figure out how much he had to pay them for three days.

"I erased the y values so you have to figure it out," said Japan.

America said, "well, I checked my old algebra book, and I believe it has something to do with Y equals mx plus b..."

"B is the amount of money you would pay us if we got it done in zero days," said Japan.

"Ah, so it's the same as the y intercept!" said America. "Wow, using this math jargon makes me feel smart!"

"Just so you know, Johann Carl Friedrich Gauss, the greatest mathematician of all time, was German," said Germany.

"Yeah, well my country has great mathematicians too," said America. "...none that I can think of at the moment though... Anyway, I... gotta find out what m equals, I guess..."

"You take one y value and subtract the other y value, and divide it by the x value subtracted by the other x value," said Germany.

"OK, well, I've got y equals 4500 at x equals 6, and y equals 3000 at x equals 10, so if I put 4500 minus 3000 over 10 minus 6..."

Germany took America and slammed his head into the wall. "YOU DUMMKOPF! YOU SUBTRACT 10 FROM 6, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! IT'S Y SUB 2 MINUS Y SUB 1 OVER X SUB 2 MINUS X SUB 1, SO IF YOU SUBTRACT THE LOWER Y VALUE FROM THE HIGHER Y VALUE, YOU SUBTRACT WHAT X EQUALS AT THE LOWER Y VALUE FROM WHAT X EQUALS AT THE HIGHER Y VALUE!"

"OK, sheesh... but that would make it negative!"

"IT'S AN INVERSE RELATIONSHIP, THE SLOPE IS SUPPOSED TO BE NEGATIVE!"

"Ok Ok... " America typed it into a calculator. "Hey, it says negative 375. That's the slope, right?"

"Ja. Now find out what b equals."

"OK... I think I multiply the slope by, should I multiply it by x equals six or x equals 10?"

"Either one will do."

"OK, so I multiply it by ten and I get negative 3750 plus b equals Y, and since Y equals 3000 at x equals 10, that's 3000 equals negative 3750 plus b."

"And?"

"Hey, if I add 3750 to both sides, the negative 3750 disappears and I get b equals 6750! That's how much I'd have to pay you if you got it done in zero days - glad you guys don't work that fast!"

"Now plug in x equals 3 to see what Y equals."

"Ok... 3 times negative 375 plus 6750, which equals..." America typed it into his calculator. "5625... man that's a lot... and I divide it by 3 for each of you... that's 1875 for each of you."

America tore a sheet of graph paper into three pieces and wrote "I.O.U. $1875" on each of them, and handed one to each of his workers.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SCHEISSE?" roared Germany.

"Um, hehe, I'm broke. I still owe China a lot of money..."

"Calm down, Germany. He will pay up someday," said Japan. "And remember, America helped us out when we were in trouble. He helped me to rebuild my home when it was wrecked by a tsunami, and he helped you recover from what your crazy boss did to you."

"Yeah, that's America, always has to be the damn hero," said Germany.

"Well, I think that America will really like the Renaissance style eagle I painted on the side of his house!" said Italy.

The three of them fled America, who screamed when he saw how Italy had defaced his precious White House.


	4. Mendelian Genetics

**OK, I came up with this one this morning, and I couldn't stop thinking about it... or laughing xD**

While young Northern Italy was under Austria's control, Austria gave him lessons in a variety of subjects. He excelled at music, cooking and art; he even taught Austria a thing or two about painting and sculpting.

He was not so great at math though. Austria was always spanking him and stomping on him for not paying attention, goofing around or just doing the problems wrong or getting the wrong answer.

Thanks to the influence of Galileo Galilei, though, Chibi Italy was surprisingly good at physics and astronomy. He discovered that if you drop two objects of different weights at the same height at the same time, assuming they have equal air resistance, they would reach the ground (or Austria's head) at the same time.

He also found out that the earth revolves around the sun. He told this to his Papa Vatican **(OK, let me explain: if Ancient Rome is Italy's grandfather, then Vatican City, A.K.A. the Pope or** _**El Papa**_, **is his father),** but Papa Vatican was not pleased at all, for he believed that the sun revolves around the earth.

Chibitalia was given a brutal time out for this discovery.

Anyway, one day Austria decided to teach biology, starting, of course, with a lesson in genetics from the work of the famous Austrian (of course) scientist, Gregor Mendel. (Never mind that Mendel was ethnically a German and born in what is now the Czech Republic).

"Gregor Mendel is known as the father of modern genetics, for his work on how genes are transferred from parent to offspring have laid the foundation for..."

_Blah, blah, blah_ was all that Chibitalia heard.

"Now, gene inheritance can be understood easily with the use of Punnett squares. We line the alleles of a specific gene for one parent on one side, and the alleles carried for the same gene by the other parent on the other. Now Mendel did his famous experiments on pea plants, so we are going to use pea plants for this example - yes young Italy?"

Chibitalia had raised his hand. "Mister Austria, why can't we use pasta plants instead?"

Austria sighed and put his hand to his forehead. "Italy, there is no such thing as a pasta plant..."

"But pasta is made from wheat and wheat is a plant, right?"

"We are not using wheat, Italy, we are using pea plants. Now, FOCUS!"

Austria smacked Chibitalia lightly with his riding crop.

France then popped up in the nearby window.

"I see you are trying to teach Feliciano the birds and the bees, _non_?"

Austria gasped, then put on an angry face while patting his hand with his riding crop. "Not quite, Francis. Now, if you do not quit spying on me, I will have no choice but to declare war on you."

"Ohh, I am SOOO scared, Prissy Boy and his stick, I'd better head for the hills!"

France climbed in through the window. "Now, now, seriously, PEA plants? You should stick to giving piano lessons, _mon ami_. Genetics is such a fascinating subject and you are making it all dull and dry like you usually do!"

"Well, if you think you can do a better job at teaching, Monsieur Bonnefoy, then have at it. But keep in mind, Italy is a toddler!"

"With pleasure! OK, Italy, now we are going to play with dollies today!"

"Dollies! Yay!" said Chibitalia.

France pulled two dolls out of his pocket, both of which had clearly been designed as Austria dolls. One of them was wearing a white emperor's outfit with a red and white striped Austrian flag sash around his shoulder, with a monocle and a mustache and beard scribbled on his face. The other was dressed in a purple Princess Barbie dress and a fake brown mustache being used as a wig.

"Now, this here is Archduke Snooty von Habsburg, and this is Empress Maria McSnootypants. Now when they first meet each other it is ooh la la love at first sight," France started banging the dolls together, "and so they start smooching and getting all sexy with each other and taking each other's clothes off..."

"He-hem," said Austria.

"Ohhhkay, so we're going to skip the taking off the clothes part. Now, because Prince Snobbenstein is a boy, he has an X chromosome and a Y chromosome, while Queen Prissy Sissyskirts has two X chromosomes because she's a girl-"

Italy began tearing up. "Xs and Ys? This sounds a lot like algebra..."

"Ohonhon, this is nothing like algebra! X and Y are, uh, just alphabet letters here, not those scary letter-number variables from algebra that you hate. Anyway, you draw the Punnett square like this:"

France drew a Punnett square with two Xs on one side and an X and a Y on the other side. He drew the boy on the XY side and the girl on the XX side.

"Now, when they make love and have babies, the baby will get either one or the other of the two alphabet letters from each parent, and he or she will always get an X chromosome from the mommy because mommy has two of them and it's either one or the other."

France drew an X in each box.

"But the daddy has an X and a Y, and the baby will either get one or the other; if the baby gets another X then she will be a girl like her mommy, if the baby gets a Y then he will be a boy like his daddy."

France drew an X in the two boxes in the father's X row and a Y in the two boxes in the father's Y row.

"So, do you understand, Miss Italy?" (Remember, everyone thought Italy was a girl when he was a chibi).

"Yes, Big Brother France," Chibitalia said as he took notes.

"Good, good. Now on to the next lesson. You see, Emperor Fancypants and Princess von Snottypuss are not just lovers; they are cousins. And having se – I mean, babies with your cousins is a bad idea. You want to know why?"

France took out a red piece of chalk and replaced the male's X and one of the female's Xs with red Xs.

"You see, the red X stands for a chromosome that carries a gene for a dangerous, deadly, hideously awful disease known as hemophilia. When you have hemophilia, it causes you to bleed like crazy, instead of healing from a wound like a normal person. The tiniest little paper cut will cause you to bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed until you bleed to death."

Chibitalia's face blanched.

"But don't worry, it is not contagious. But you see, Mister and Miss Blueblood here are not the first in the family to breed with their relatives. Somewhere along the line, perhaps one of their grandparents or great grandparents or even one of their great-great grandparents happened to have the gene. And, because he or she was forced to breed with the family, and the entire family was forced to breed with each other, pretty soon they bred an entire family infected with it.

"Now Archduchess Snotsburg here," France said, holding up the doll dressed as a female, "is lucky. She carries one copy of the bad gene – that's the red X, you know. But the other X is stronger than the red X, and it pretty much beats the red X to a pulp so that it doesn't make her bleed to death.

"But this poor unfortunate soul," France said, shaking the male doll, "does not have a strong X chromosome to beat up the red X that he is infected with. All he has is a wimpy Y. That's why you see this disease a lot more in boys than in girls."

Chibitalia looked horrified but fascinated at the same time. He doodled some pretty pictures of Xs beating each other up to aid with his notes.

"Now let's redo the Punnett square." France drew red Xs down the appropriate rows.

"Now this one," he said, pointing to the square that had the Y and the mother's not-red X, "is a lucky little boy that does not have the disease, nor does he have the gene, so he won't have any children that have it, unless his lover carries the red X…

"But this one," he said, pointing to the square with the Y and the red X, "is a boy that does have it. He won't give the red X to his boy children, but if he has a daughter she will get it. And that's assuming that he doesn't hemorrhage himself to an early grave before he gets old enough to have children.

"Now for the girls. This one," he pointed to the box with the red X and the non-red X "is a girl who, just like her mother, carries one evil red X and one good X to cancel out the red X, so she won't bleed to death unless something goes wrong with her period but that's another matter, but she can still give the red X to her children though just like her mom did.

"And finally, this one," he pointed to the box with two red Xs "is the rare unlucky girl that does have the bleeding disorder. All of her children, not just some of them, will get the red X from her, but she will likely bleed to death during childbirth so no need to worry about that. So do you understand, Italy?"

"Yes, you make it so much more interesting and easier to understand than Austria does."

"Hmph. Well, that was a most interesting lesson, I will have to admit," said Austria.

"So, now you know why Austria doesn't like to do anything but stay inside and play the piano and fix desserts all day, and why he's having you do all the hard chores and stuff. Because he is delicate, like a tender peach or a fragile rose blossom. One little splinter and he's done for-"

"Mister Bonnefoy, I most certainly do NOT have hemophilia! Nor do I know anybody of the Habsburg line that does, although I will admit that they have had their share of inbred genetic diseases, but as you can hopefully tell by my sparkling good looks I am disease-free."

"Indeed, onhonhon," said France, staring at Austria's body with his rape face.

"Hey, Big Brother France, may I please do my own Punnett square?"

"Why, go ahead! Onhonhon."

Chibitalia drew a box with an X and a Y on both sides. One side had a picture of France's face and the other had a picture of Austria's face. He drew YY, XX, XY, and YX in the appropriate boxes."

"Um, Big Brother France, is YX any different from XY?"

"Not at all! Have you not learned that rule of algebra yet?"

"But I thought you said these were nothing like algebra!"

"Oh, well, never mind that, yes, they are the same."

"OK, then, so you see, if you and Austria had a baby, there is a quarter chance it will be a girl, a half chance it will be a boy, and a quarter chance it will be… um, what are you if you have two Ys?"

"There is no such thing, it's impossible," said Austria, "and even if it did happen, the embryo would be miscarried because a baby cannot exist without at least one X chromosome. But that Punnett square does not make sense because males cannot breed with other males."

"Oh, we shall see about that, onhonhon…"

"Italy, please step out of the room for a moment," said Austria, who was readying his riding crop for giving a smacking."

Chibitalia exited the room, closed the door and shielded his ears from the loud sounds of wood beating against flesh and France's screaming and moaning.

"All done, Italy. Now it's time for your algebra lesson."

"NOOOO!" Chibitalia ran screaming down the hallway.


	5. Pythagorean Theorem & Trigonometry

**Sorry for the long wait. I've been, uh... OK, I really have no excuse :S**

**But I'll try to update at least every week from now on... emphasis on "TRY".**

Greece was enjoying a peaceful day basking in the ruins with his cats when he was woken up by a loud and obnoxious tourist.

"Hiya! So this is where all those dead guys from Sparta and Hercules come from, am I right?"

It was America, of course. He jumped to the top of a fallen Doric column and began singing "Go the Distance" from the Disney movie. Then he began playing with a toy sword and shield that he got from the souvenir shop while singing "Zero to Hero".

America poked Greece with the toy sword, causing his cats to hiss, until he woke up.

"Good afternoon, Alfred. I see that you're enjoying my country's tourist attractions?"

"That's right! Man, these ruins, and all this Greek mythology stuff is awesome! Except for those guys that invented math and stuff..."

"Those guys were not mythology, they were real," said Greece.

"Oh, were they? Well it's not like they were very important! I mean, who really uses geometry and trigonometry and all that junk?"

"The modern world would not be what it is today without the contributions of Greeks such as Pythagoras and Euclid," said Greece.

Greece got up and pointed at a couple of pillars, one fallen and leaning on top of another. "See those pillars? Suppose the bottoms of the two of them are thirty meters apart, and the fallen one was fifty meters high before it fell down on top of the other. How do we know how tall the other one is?"

"Geez, dude, I'm America, we don't use the metric system!"

"Fine then. Let's say the bottoms are thirty FEET apart and the fallen one was fifty feet high. How do we know how tall the other pillar is?"

"Um... can't we just climb up the pillar with a tape measure and measure it that way?"

"Suppose you are too much of a weakling to climb the pillar. Or suppose your country has not invented the tape measure yet. Then how do you know how high it is?"

"Uh... wait a minute, if we don't know how high that pillar is, how do we know the other pillar is fifty feet?"

"It's a given. Sometimes, in life, you just have to accept the givens."

"Ok, um... Hey! They make a sort of triangle!"

"Yes, a very special kind of triangle. The erect pillar is sticking out of the ground at a right angle."

America snickered. "You said ERECT! Hahahaha..."

"Yes, I did. Now what does that mean if we have a triangle with a right angle?"

America could not stop laughing.

"Hahahahaha... Ok, ok, it's something to do with one of those dead Greek guys, right? Um, let me see... it's on the tip of my tongue... who are those guys again?"

"Well there's Pythagoras-"

"PYTHAGORAS! Um, umm..." America snapped his fingers. "THE PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM!"

"Right. Which is..."

"Umm, it has something to do with the alphabet... a plus b equals c... NO! A squared plus b squared equals c squared!"

"Yes."

"OK, so that means thirty squared plus fifty squared equals..." America got out his calculator.

"No, no, the hypotenuse is C. You know how long the hypotenuse is, so you rearrange the equation to make C squared minus B squared equals A squared."

"Come again? Hypothe-what?"

"The hypotenuse is the long side, the one that doesn't form the right angle. A and B are the sides that form the right angle."

"OK! So that would be fifty squared minus thirty squared..." America typed it into his calculator. "that's 2500 minus 900... which equals 1600, which is A squared, am I right?"

Greece nodded.

"OK, take the square root of that... A equals... 40 feet."

"There you go. See how useful the Pythagorean theorem is?"

"Well, maybe if you work in construction or stuff like that... but what the hell is trigonometry good for?"

Greece brought America over to the shady side of another pillar.

"Now suppose you take your tape measure and you measure this shadow to be ten feet from the pillar. And suppose that it's one o'clock in the afternoon, which means the sun casts a shadow of a length so that it makes a triangle with the pillar, the two of them being forming a right angle, and the angle formed by the shadow and the hypotenuse is sixty degrees. How tall is the pillar?"

"Aw, geez... now do I use sine, cosine or tangent... let's see, I know how long the shadow is, that's, the, uh, adjacent to the sixty-degree angle? Yup, and I want to find the height of the side that is OPPOSITE to the sixty degree angle... so adjacent times opposite over adjacent would get me what I want... what's opposite over adjacent again? What's that Indian word... SOHCAHTOA!"

America typed in 60 and pressed the "tan" button, and then multiplied by ten.

"So that would be... about 17 feet..."

"You know, an easy rule to remember is that when you have a triangle with a sixty degree angle, a ninety degree angle, and a thirty degree angle, the ratio of the opposite side to the sixty degree angle to the adjacent side is the square root of three, and the ratio of the adjacent side to the hypotenuse is one-half."

"But I don't know if the other angle is thirty degrees or not..."

"if one angle is ninety degrees and the other is sixty degrees, then the third angle will always be thirty degrees, because the angles of a triangle always add up to one hundred and eighty degrees."

"Ok, ok, so the pillar is the square root of three times ten feet long... that would make the distance between the top of the pillar and the end of the shadow..." America put his hand to his head as though it were aching. "Twenty feet!"

Greece lazily clapped his hands in approval.

"Boo-yeah! I'm not just the hero, I'm smart too!"

"Well, then, let's try using triangles that don't have a ninety degree angle then. Like those two pillars over there."

Greece pointed to a pair of pillars that had both fallen and were resting on top of a crumbled rock at different angles.

"The Pythagorean theorem doesn't work here. Now let me introduce you to the Law of Sines and the Law of Cosines..."

"Augh! Too much math for me! I'm outta here! Gonna grab me some gyros and a Hercules action figure just like in the movie!"

America pronounced the word "gyros" incorrectly, sounding like "jairos" instead of "yeeros", and pranced off, humming "Zero to Hero".


	6. Pavlovian Conditioning

After hearing about Pavlov's work on classical conditioning in Russia, Austria decided to pay the large Slavic country a visit. Things have been crazy ever since Germany moved in, what with all of his demented boss's orders and Italy and Japan always coming to visit, and the Allies sneaking around to break in, get in fist fights or take photos in secret. Clearly some behavior management was needed.

"Ah, Austria! So good of you to have come! Unless you are here to fight, in which case I will delight in crushing you into teeny tiny bits!"

The dark aura appeared around Russia, who just sat there, smiling innocently.

_"Nein,_ my mission is purely scientific. I would like for you to share your Pavlovian conditioning methods."

"Why, certainly! So proud of Pavlov, he did his experiments on a dog, and won Nobel prize for it!"

Austria felt a twinge of envy at this, even though he was fully aware that his own esteemed Freud's work, though groundbreaking, was hardly of the calibur of rigor worthy of a Nobel prize.

"His techniques also work on unruly Baltic nations. Watch. OH LATVIA!"

Latvia came running, huffing and puffing. "What do you want, master?"

Russia rang a bell. Latvia flinched and screamed as though somebody had spanked him.

"You see, for a long while I rang this bell every time I spanked him. Spanking him is what I call unconditional stimulus, and Latvia flinching and yelping is what I call an unconditional response to the spanking, since it is only natural for him to respond like that. Now, if I ring bell every time he gets spanked, the bell eventually becomes an conditional stimulus, and he involuntarily associates it with getting spanked, and so he involuntarily reacts like he is being spanked, and that reaction to the conditional stimulus is a conditional response, which means he reacts like he is being spanked even if he is not being spanked."

"Interesting." Austria already had a test subject in mind.

"Oh, Italy!" Austria rang a dinner bell, his fancy table already set with an enormous plate of spaghetti.

"Coming, Mister Austria!" Italy had never been served pasta by Austria before, who always insisted on serving him traditional Austrian dishes instead. But when he saw the plate of pasta on the table, he could not help himself.

"PASTA!"

Italy gobbled down the pasta.

"Thank you, Mister Austria! I didn't know you were such a good pasta chef! Why have you never served me pasta before?"

The next day, Austria did the same thing. Still, Italy did not yell "PASTA!" until he came and saw the table set with the plate of pasta.

Austria tried it for a couple of days, until it finally sunk into Italy's neurology that the ringing of the dinner bell meant pasta. Austria rang the bell one day, and Italy yelled "PASTA!" before he even got to the table to see that there was pasta there.

Austria smirked. Just as he thought - Italy shouting "PASTA!" at the sight of pasta was an involuntary reflex, an unconditional response.

"Check this out, Germany. I've got Italy trained like a dog."

Austria rang the bell, with Italy between the two of them, and Italy shouted, "PASTA!"

Austria rang it again.

"PASTA!"

_RING!_

"PASTA!"

_RING!_

"PASTA!"

"OK, I get it, you trained him to say 'PASTA!' whenever he hears the bell ring! Now quit making him scream pasta, it's annoying!"

This gave Austria an idea.

"Oh, Germany, I want you to fix me a _Mokka_ and some croissants, _bitte_?"

"MAKE THEM YOURSELF YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING FREELOADER!"

Austria rang the bell.

"PASTA!"

"OK, OK, just quit making him say pasta!"

Germany fulfilled Austria's request right away.

Austria was not bothered so much by Italy shouting "PASTA!", for he had been habituated to it from putting up with him for years and years. The same, however, could not be said of Germany.

"Germany, I would like you to bake me a _Sachertorte_, although I know it is not your specialty."

"GO BAKE IT YOURSELF THEN!"

_RING!_

"PASTA!"

Germany got to preparing the _Sachertorte_ according to Austria's instructions, while Austria lounged around reading books and playing the piano all day.

"Hurry up, it does not take this long to prepare _Sachertorte_!"

"HOLD YOUR FANCY LIPPIZAN HORSES! I'M WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN!"

RING!

"PASTA!"

Germany got to working faster.

Italy had by now realized that hearing the bell ringing did not necessarily mean that he was getting pasta, but the reflex still stuck - at least for a while.

But even after Italy stopped screaming "PASTA!" every time he heard the bell ring, he still did whatever Austria told him to do whenever he heard the bell ring. Germany had been conditioned to react to the sound of the bell too, though not involuntarily as Italy had been - he reacted voluntarily, having learned that he would be punished by hearing Italy scream "PASTA!" for not reacting to the sound of the bell ringing. This is known as operant conditioning, and it would be an American who would begin to scientifically study such methods.

Since Italy's conditional response to hearing the bell ring had become extinct, Austria knew he would have to recondition him by presenting him with the unconditional stimulus of pasta paired with the conditional stimulus of the bell every once in a while so that Germany's conditioned response of fulfilling his demands at the conditioned stimulus of the bell would not undergo extinction as well.

Eventually, Germany too became habituated to Italy's cry of "PASTA!", and so Austria could not use Italy in that way to manipulate him anymore. It was at this point when Germany's, ahem, romantic relationship with Italy began.

**Thanks to Girlygeek43 for the topic!**


	7. Prussia's AWESOME Educational System

Austria had still been licking his woulds from the War of Austrian Secession when his Archduchess Maria Theresa came to him with a suggestion of sorts.

"Austria, I know that you are upset about your loss to Prussia, being the large and powerful empire that you are..."

"Because I place the arts and education in higher regard than the military."

"Well, actually, part of the reason why Prussia is so powerful is because of the regard he places in the education of his citizens. He provides free schooling for every child in his country, which puts them through a rigorous and disciplined curriculum that prepares them to be loyal citizens and strong soldiers. I am proposing that we follow suit, to strengthen our empire."

"I don't know... now education for all the citizens does sound like a good idea... but I am not so sure about the curriculum, I want my citizens to be freethinking, cultured individuals, not conformist, nationalistic little soldiers..."

"Please just try it?"

"I shall not follow anything that demon douche does."

"As your Archduchess and Empress, I am ORDERING you to attend the Prussian school."

And so Austria had to go to Prussia's school to get a Prussian-style education. He was soon followed by nearly every country in Europe, Japan, and even America, since they were all impressed with the discipline and general knowledge of his citizens.

On his first day of school, Romano kissed up to Prussia by placing a tomato on his desk.

"Romano, this isn't an apple! You are supposed to place an apple on my desk!"

"Some people call 'em love apples," Romano said. "Or would you rather I placed a potato on your desk, you potato bastard?"

"TAKE YOUR SEAT BEFORE I beat you and put you in the corner and make you write 'I will not call the teacher a potato bastard' in German a thousand times on the blackboard after class!"

"Fine, fine..." Romano swore in Italian under his breath and took a seat in the back of the room next to his brother.

"Guten tag, mein students! I am your AWESOME teacher, and you shall call me Mr. Prussia."

Prussia placed a name tag with the name "Mr. Prussia" on his desk.

"Wilkommen, all, to your first day of kindergarten!"

Prussia took a piece of chalk and wrote out the equation 1 + 1 =.

"Now can anybody tell me what this equals?

Austria scoffed, his eyes glazed, wishing he were home practicing the piano instead.

"Ooh! I know! I know!" shouted America.

"SHUT UP AND RAISE YOUR HAND UNTIL YOU ARE CALLED UPON!" Prussia beat America with his riding crop.

"OW! Russia, that hurt! Ok, ok..." America quietly raised his hand.

"That's Prussia, not Russia, and MISTER Prussia to you. NOW you may answer."

"Um..." America counted off of his fingers. "TWO!"

"Correct! America, you get a gold star!" Prussia placed a shiny gold star sticker on America's head.

"YAY! I love getting new stars! I hope someday to have at least fifty stars on my flag! Boy do I feel smart!"

Austria quietly raised his hand.

"Austria?"

"Mr. Prussia, I apologize for being so blunt, but I must point out that some of us are rather educationally advanced beyond the level of kindergarten. So if it is not too much trouble, could we please take courses that match our abilities?"

"Kindergarten is mandatory, Austria, and everybody must go through all 13 years of schooling, no exceptions. Now we've had enough math for today, so I had better move on to today's German lesson before one of you snot nose eggheads comes up with some revolutionary math theorem."

"German? Aww, but I only speak American!"

"You speak English, you twit," England muttered.

"Well, OK then. Just study whatever language is your own, then. That way you can be loyal to your own country." Prussia handed each of them a notebook. "Each of you practice writing your country's alphabet. If your handwriting is good enough, you get a gold star."

And so for the next several years, Prussia taught classes this way, from eight in the morning to three in the afternoon. Classes were simple, easy and boring, and any rebellious behavior was punished with a beating, and poor classroom performance was punished with a seat on a stool in the corner with a dunce cap on the head.

America, despite his rebellious attitude, was one of Prussia's top students for quite a while, at least until the high school years came along, when the academics became somewhat challenging. Austria, Germany, and England were consistently top students. As for the Italy brothers, well, Prussia was quite often in need of an extra stool and dunce cap that his school budget was too cheap to afford.

"OK, class, so does anybody know what Avogadro's number is?"

"Ooh! I LOVE avocadoes!" shouted Northern Italy. He bounced out of his seat to join his brother Romano, who was dancing around singing, "Avocado, avocado, avo-avo-avocado!" to the tune of "Hatafutte Parade".

Prussia banged his fist on his desk, beat their asses and made them sit in the corner. "AVOGADRO, NOT AVOCADO YOU TWIN IDIOTS!"

"I thought you would know that, considering Avogadro is one of your own countrymen," Austria scoffed.

"SILENCE! Anyway, Avocado's-Avogadro's number is basically the number of atoms, molecules, ions, unit cells, blah blah blah of something in a mole of a substance."

Everybody looked at Austria.

"What are you all looking at-oh, my mole. Not THAT kind of mole."

"It's a DIFFERENT kind of mole, people! Does anybody know the number?"

The more intelligent students of the class all raised their hands.

"I call on YOU, West."

"Six point zero two times ten to the twenty-third power," said Germany.

"How imprecise," scoffed Austria. "You should round it to FOUR significant figures. It's six point zero two TWO times ten to the twenty-third power."

"Three significant figures is quite enough, danke. Now since-"

"GIMME!"

"NO!"

"BUT I WANNA WEAR THE GELATO CONE HAT!"

Prussia had no choice but to send the Italy brothers to the office.

"Anyway, since Austria thinks he's so smart, the class assignment for today is to find out how many moles of, say, carbon are in HIS mole. Does anybody know how we would find out?"

America raised his hand.

"How about we cut it off and put it on a scale!"

America got the lab scale out. "Aww, crap, it measures in grams! Hey, do you got a scale that measures in pounds and ounces?"

"SCIENCE ONLY USES THE METRIC SYSTEM! DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT YOU IN THE CORNER WITH THE DUNCE CAP LIKE THE ITALY BROTHERS WERE A SECOND AGO?"

"Well, I do think the hat is pretty cool, it's like the kind I wear during a birthday party..."

"All right, then." Prussia put the dunce cap on America and seated him in the corner.

"Haha, hey look guys, happy birthday for me! Wait wait, it's not a birthday hat - it's an ice cream cone! No, no, a snow cone holder! HA HA!"

"TURN AROUND AND FACE THE CORNER! OK, now where was I... so does anybody know how we would figure out how many moles are in his mole?"

Austria raised his hand. "First of all, you need to know the proteins and lipids it is composed of, the exact ratio of each of them, not to mention what percentage of the weight is water, all of which require knowledge and techniques that are rather beyond the scope of this class."

"SHUT UP! Now who wants to volunteer to cauterize him?"

"I will!" France, of course, was the first to raise his hand. He heated up a scalpel with a Bunsen burner, as Prussia showed him, and creeped toward the cowering Austria with it.

"Onhonhon, just one second and it is all over... but if it would sweeten the deal, cherie, perhaps a little pleasure before the pain?"

France poked Austria in the mole, causing him to wince from the pleasuring spasms. France then got closer and licked the mole.

"Oh, I have always wanted to do that, to lick your handsome face. Now say _au revoir_ to your _marque de beauté_!"

"AUGH!" Austria screamed and cried like a little girl when his beauty mark was cut off.

"Now now, _mon cherie_, I am sure it will grow back."

"Now I know how it feels for a Jewish boy to be be circumcised," Austria sniffed.

While Germany put the mole in a petri dish and took it over to the scale, having set the scale to zero at the weight of the petri dish so that only the mole's weight would be recorded, France patted the blood off of Austria's face and bandaged it, and then kissed the bandage in a (failed) attempt to make him feel better.

"Mr. Prussia, the mole weighs 0.8 grams."

"Round to TWO significant figures."

"Well, then that makes it 0.80 grams."

"Of course, a good portion of that is water, so I'm afraid that before we can make any further progress, we shall have to dehydrate the thing," said England.

"Good job, France, Germany, England. You all have earned your gold stars for today."

"Mr. Prussia, we are not in kindergarten anymore, we earn grades, not gold stars," said Germany.

"Oh, that's right. Never mind then. England, put the mole in the dehydration chamber - it's going to take all night, kesese..."

The next day, Germany weighed the mole again.

"0.60 grams."

"Hmm, so the mole was only one quarter water, interesting..." remarked England. "The human body is generally more around six-tenths to three-quarters water by mass... but then again I do suppose dry lumpy parts of the body tend to have less water in them..."

"So that means there were 0.20 grams of water in my mole," said Austria. "So if you divide that by the molar mass of water, then we shall know how many moles of water were in it, and if we then multiply it by Avogadro's number, we shall know how many molecules of water-"

"SHUT UP WE ARE TRYING TO FIND HOW MANY MOLES OF CARBON, NOT WATER! Now, does anybody know how we can do that?"

Germany raised his hand. "Burn it, and then subtract the burnt mass from the unburnt mass, for the carbon will all be burned off to form carbon dioxide."

"Good, good! Now, heat it carefully..."

Germany carefully held the dehydrated mole over the Bunsen burner with a pair of tweezers. When it caught on fire, he put it back in the petri dish, and the class watched it burn and smoke until it was nothing but a miniscule pile of cinders.

"Be careful not to breathe on it, you might blow the remains away... now put it on the scale."

"0.15 grams," Germany recorded. "Which means 0.45 grams of carbon, assuming all of the carbon was burned off..."

"Let America do the calculating, he's in dire need of the extra credit, kesese..."

"Um, we're trying to look for moles, right? Well, Austria said something about multiplying..."

"Dividing," Austria whispered.

"I mean, dividing it by the molar mass of... carbon, yeah, because dividing makes it moles per gram instead of grams per mole, and so the grams cancel out, right? Damn, I wish they'd invent calculators already..." America got out a pencil and paper.

"Molar mass of carbon is... on the periodic table, right? Yeah, I think it's that number, 12.01... so .45 divided by 12.01... oh, this is going to be hard..."

"Somebody help him," Prussia said through a facepalm.

"I volunteer," said Japan after raising his hand. "My country teaches how to do fast arithmetic."

Japan quickly scribbled out the calculations on America's paper. "0.037 moles, in keeping with the two significant figures that we are rounding to."

"HA! So your mole wasn't even an entire mole!" laughed America. "Anyway, why do we need to know how many moles are in his mole?"

"So you can figure out how many atoms!" said Prussia. "Kesesese, now tell me how many!"

"Um... oh yeah! The avocado number! 0.037 times 6.02 times ten to the twenty-third power... dang, that's a mouth full...why can't we just say six... billion? Trillion? Quadrillion? Octozillion? What number is it with... twenty-three zeros at the end, right?"

Prussia smacked America. "Scientific notation is more efficient!"

"But why?"

"Because I say so! "NOW FINISH THE VERDAMMT CALCULATION!"

"Ok... um, Japan, a little help?"

"2.3 times ten to the twenty-second power."

"OK! So Austria had about 2.3 with twenty-two zeros after it carbon atoms in his mole!"

"Twenty-one zeros, the .3 took up one of the zero slots," Japan corrected.

"Right. I FEEL SO SMART!"

Austria rolled his eyes.

"But Mr. Russia, why do I need to know how many carbon atoms are in the mole?"

"That's Mr. PRUSSIA! PRUSSIA WITH A P! And this is just an exercise, you will find some use for it later, you don't need to know right now!"

"Aww, why not? Man, I feel like your school is brainwashing me!

"For once, I agree with America," said Austria. "We need to be critical, independent thinkers, not do everything because the boss says so. We need to learn how to ask WHY."

"You're lucky that you are one of my top students, Edelstein, or I would have you expelled! Now, class is dismissed, since it seems like you all are learning a little too much, and are enjoying it a little too much! Next period is music appreciation - oh, that's right, we had to cut the arts programs out because they cost too much! History, then!"

"And they call me a cheapskate," Austria muttered, upset that he did not have that class to show off his musical virtuosity anymore. He would instead spend next period pointing out all of the information that were (intentionally) incorrect in Mr. Prussia's history lesson.

After class, the Italy brothers had to finish up writing - a thousand times each, in German - the sentence "Avogadro's number has nothing to do with avocadoes."


	8. Russia Takes Over

Russia: Everybody is enjoying Hetalia: Math and Science Edition, da? Well I was thinking we needed a little more RUSSIA!

So I went and took over, and now Hetalia: M & S is one with Russia! If anyone have any questions, leave it to me to be answering!

Now I was looking over old calculus textbooks other night and I came across something that I am thinking would be real fun for me and also real educational for you. OH BALTICS!

(Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia come out) Y-Yes, Mister Russia?

Russia: It is time to be doing lesson on quadratic surfaces!

Latvia: T-that sounds hard, Mister Russia...

Estonia: It's not that hard, especially if you've got a good graphing calculator handy...

Lithuania: B-but I think he wants the fans to have a better understanding of how they work, r-r-right, M-Mister Russia?

Russia: Indeed! Now, you, Lithuania, get to be x-axis. Lie down on floor. (presses Lithuania to floor)

And you, Estonia, get to be y-axis. Lie down on floor perpendicular to Lithuania. (presses Estonia to floor)

And you, Latvia, get to be z-axis. Stand perpendicular to Lithuania and Estonia. (picks up Latvia and places him to stand at Lithuania's and Estonia's feet)

Now let's say their heads are in positive direction. (Flips through calculus book) OK, so let's say we've got x squared over a squared plus y squared over b squared plus z squared over c squared equals one. Ooh, looks like we are needing sticky notes now!

(Slaps a squared symbol to each Baltic's head, a squared to Lithuania's feet, b squared to Estonia's feet, and c squared to Latvia's feet)

Now we are having an ellipsoid, which is like 3D ellipse, shaped sort of like Easter egg. Now the a and b and c don't matter so much for shape, they just tell you how big the egg is, which direction it's bigger in, and basically they depend on whichever numbers divide to make one on other side. But you can multiply and have bigger number instead of one if you like, but it's easier this way. Now I will make Baltics into ellipsoid.

(Pours bucket of water on Baltics, then blows a bubble that encases them in a spherical shape.)

Ah, so here we are having a sphere. This happens when a squared, b squared and c squared are all equal! Now, you know the bigger the number underneath, the longer the ellipsoid along that axis is! So suppose we decide to make c squared bigger, then Latvia here has more room to grow inside bubble! Now we say c squared because it goes for both directions, so negative numbers work too, for they are same as positive when squared. BUT if we decide to make c squared smaller...

(Shrinks bubble down over Latvia's head until it pops)

Well... you get picture. Now suppose one of these variables is not positive but NEGATIVE... say, instead of plus z squared over c squared we have minus z squared over c squared? It can really be x squared or y squared that is negative too, but we're just going to pick on z for entire time.

Latvia: Why does he always pick on me?...

Russia: Well, that would make sort of, um, hourglass shape. Anybody have hourglass?

Prussia: Kesese I have this! (throws corset at Russia)

Russia: What is this? Oh, is corset! Perfect!

Prussia: Kesese got it out of Specs's closet! I didn't know he used this to keep his girlish figure!

Austria: That was HUNGARY'S!

Prussia: Sure, sure.

Russia: Anyway, graph will be in hourglass shape, and it will be open along whichever axis is negative. Which in this case...

(Shoves corset over Latvia's body)

Latvia: Mister Russia... this is bone-crushingly tight, even for my skinny body...

Russia: Good, then it is working! This shape is what you call one-sheet hyperboloid. It is shaped like corset worn by whichever axis is negative. Now, when x squared over a squared plus y squared over b squared minus z squared over c squared equals zero, you got elliptic cone, and it looks kind of like this:

(Pulls corset strings tight, pinching Latvia's waist and making him scream)

Russia: Well, basically it's supposed to be tiny and have zero width at the origin, and open up without curving like ice cream cone on top and bottom. But it appears that Latvia is too fat to be squeezed to be that skinny...

Now, to make hyperboloid of two sheets, we got to have x squared over a squared plus y squared over b squared minus z squared over c squared equals NEGATIVE one. Multiply it all by negative one and you get negative x squared minus y squared plus z squared equals positive one. Which means that x and y axes must share corset.

Latvia: What a relief, not me for once...

(Russia stretches corset over Lithuania and Estonia until it rips)

Russia: Oops, well you see, they do not call it two sheet hyperboloid for nothing. What it looks like would be if I had two bowl shapes, one on top of Latvia's head and one below his feet...

Prussia: How about cup shapes? (tosses bra at Russia) ALSO from Austria's closet!

Austria (flushes) ALSO Hungary's!

Russia: Right, right. (Removes cups from bra) Now if I take cups out, and balance one on Latvia's head so that it opens upward, and make him stand on the other one so that it opens downward, then we've got a two sheet hyperboloid.

Latvia: Well, this isn't so bad...

Russia: Now we going to change things, get rid of some of squaring.

(Removes the "2" superscript from the Latvia's head, and erases superscripts from the a, b, and c post-it notes.)

And we multiplying, not dividing.

(Removes a, b, and c post it notes and puts a and b on Lithuania's and Estonia's foreheads, stops and stares at c)

Well, actually, we can get rid of c. (Tosses c paper)

So what we got is z equals a times x squared plus b times y squared. Now this looks kind of like a parabola when you slice it on x and y axes, right?

(Baltics shiver in fear at the mention of slicing)

Haha, we not going to actually slice. We just going to make elliptic paraboloid, which actually looks like we just got rid of bra cup from under Latvia's feet.

(Yanks bra cup from under Latvia's feet, causing him to fall down. Russia props him back up and puts bra cup back on his head.)

Now, if a times x squared and b times y squared were both negative, he'd be standing on bra cup instead. But what if, say, a times x squared were negative and b times y squared were positive, or vice versa? Then it curves up on one axis and down on the other, and we got what looks like a horsey saddle. Anybody got horsey saddle?

Poland: Ooh! Like, I do, Mister Russia! (Tosses saddle for Russia to catch)

Russia: OK, so when a times x squared is the Baltic - erm, axis that is negative, it will be Estonia, I mean, y axis that is wearing saddle. (Puts saddle over Estonia, makes Latvia stand on it)

Lithuania: This saddle... is digging into my neck...

Russia: It's OK, soon it will be your turn to wear it! Now Lithuania wears it when Estonia instead is negative! (Switches saddle to Lithuania)

Estonia: This saddle is poking me in a very uncomfortable place...

Russia: Well... that's it for today's lesson! Please be sending in more questions for Russia to be answering! I will be answering a whole bunch next time, for everything is one with Russia now and so Hetalia M & S! And remember, in Soviet Russia, math learns YOU!

Estonia: What's-that-supposed-to mean? (gags and groans) Get Latvia off of me now since we're done...


End file.
